Yesterday did not go well. First, the court order was not ready. The advocate said that she hoped it would be ready on Monday. She also said that her responsibility ends as soon as the court order is done, and she knows nothing about the passport process.
Second, after this conversation, I went to the adoption office to see if I could encourage them to get everything ready so that we could apply for the passport immediately. I talked to Mrs. A (Mrs. S's assistant), who is not usually in the office. She said that as soon as they get the court order, they will transfer the file to the director for processing. The director will then write a letter requesting that the case be expedited. When I asked about timelines, she said that we could expect the passport in 10 days. I was shocked. I reminded her that the previous woman received her passport in one day. She said that this was because that child needed emergency surgery. Since Vindya does not, that won't come into play here. If I got with them to the passport office, I can expect the passport in 10 days. If not, it will be longer.
To say that I am upset is an understatement. I have pretty much hit the wall here. I hate this entire country and everyone in it. (Not really, and I'll get over it, but right now I'm hostile.) Honestly, if there was some way to walk away from the whole thing and just go home, right now I'd take it. Vindya is clearly unprepared, doesn't want to be adopted, and sporadically hates me. The people who are supposed to be facilitating this process are not at all interested in being helpful. Staying here another two weeks (which is what this requires, at least) is going to completely eat up all my savings. I wish China had reopened to singles a couple of months earlier. I could have been matched with a Special Focus child and gone through a smooth, efficient process for much less money and emotional turmoil.
Yes, I'm whining. I probably won't be posting much this weekend because I'll be trying to come to terms with this. If anyone has any bright ideas, let me know.
In which our heroes, having determined on adding to their family, go forth to accomplish their purpose with great good cheer.
I don't know much about the attachment stuff so I may be way off base here but ....the more tense you are, the more tense she will be. Find a way to get away, maybe that nice man Rufus, for a few hours, and get your head together. When I was pregnant with Jakob, it was smooth sailing. I felt good, craved fresh veggies, and it all went pretty super for 9 months. When I was pregnant with Jonas, I was on bed rest the last two months. I couldn't eat tomatoes which meant NO PIZZA! and was miserable. But, I have two wonderful children. Yes, the experiences are different between your first and your second. Yes, this is much harder than your adoption of LiJun. Yes, you will have two wonderful children who will be loved so much that their hearts will grow three times their size! You will survive this, you are much stronger than you give yourself credit for. You are there for one purpose, and one purpose only, to bring Vindya a forever family, full of love and joy and lots of girly clothes. Everyone needs a break from their kids - do I need to go into detail? - make some time for yourself and it will get better. Call me anytime if you want some good venting. We pray for you everyday. Love you - Susan
ReplyDeleteHang in there Big Sis....This is what you wanted so treat it as a bump in the road versus a potential dead end. Vindya will appreciate it years from now.
ReplyDeleteAaaaaaargh. Have you met with the mom you met earlier--the BTDT mom who was volunteering? Hope I'm remembering that right. Anyway, I'm so sorry. Obviously you know the "this too shall pass" stuff, so I'm not gonna say it. It sucks. I am pained just reading your experience, much less living it. And being away from LiJun so long must just make it hurt even more. My suggestion is wine--a lot of it-- and I don't even drink. What about a local church with an expat presence for some familiarity of home? This is gonna sound out there, but are there animal shelters there where you and Vindya could give some love to animals without the whole mommy-shopping drama? Animals keep coming to my mind--time with animals--no people pressure and the calming/fun part. Oh, I so hope you finally get a pleasant surprise in this waiting game. -Jen
ReplyDeletewhat a great idea about the animals. No language needed there. Susan
ReplyDeleteJuli,
ReplyDeleteI am sorry this is so darn hard. Get Rufus to take you some place cool and relaxing. Will the staff even know if you go away for a day or two? The wine idea is not bad. The animals might be a scary plan. Hang tough, drink, scream--you are due and then pick yourself goood old self back up and keep plodding forward. You are the best so remember that.
Kelly
Although neither of our China adoptions were as difficult and taxing as what you're going through — I'm repeatedly reminded as I read your blog how absolutely exhausted and depleted I felt after getting home. In Country our time was emotional (with orphanage visits etc) but not really that stressful, it all came apart after we got home. And I went through phases of thinking we'd made a mistake and how could I ever be a good and patient Mother to two children who needed so much from me. BUT, that all goes away. And it's totally normal and honest to have regrets and wonder if what you're doing is right. I'm not particularly religious — but oh do I believe in fate! And somehow, there is a reason for what you're experiencing, it will be of value to you and both your children in some way, shape or form. And I also believe you're having your difficulties on the front end, once you get home and have support from family, friends and the agency — plus valuable sibling bonding — things will look up.
ReplyDeleteI feel for you Juli, you are in a terrible place and it's a crime that nobody better prepared Vinya — perhaps all that anger and frustration can be channeled into making change in policies when you get back?
Thinking of you every single day and sending all the best of thoughts, wishes and prayers. Hang in there. MPR says international adoptive parents are of higher intelligence and super powered in tenacity, gumption, courage and patience (my words but thats essentially what they meant) So remember that, you are one of the elite! Now go forward and kick some ass and get yourself home soon! xoxoxo, Mel