Thursday - Mostly Quiet

Because of Vindya's meltdown on Wednesday, I wanted to spend Thursday as quietly as possible. We stayed at the hotel all day. We worked in her workbooks on and off. She really doesn't like the leggos. I made various things, and she took them apart and put the bricks back into their container as fast as possible. In general, things went well. However...

(You knew there would be a "however," didn't you?) Rufus called. He was sorry that he had missed us at his office, and wanted to stop by and drop off a picture. We discussed whether he should just drop it at the front desk, but I wanted him to talk to Vindya, so I asked to meet him.

When he got here, Vindya was delighted. She chatted with him very happily. He gave us a very nice photo of the two of us that he had taken at the sisuvihar and framed for us. She liked it and told him (he translated) that she would take it back to show her friends. That was the opening I was waiting for. I asked him to explain to her that she was not going back, that she was going to stay with me and move to America. My thinking was that, as far as I could tell, no one had told her any of this. She is old enough that she should be told what is going on. He talked to her for a while, and she started crying very quietly, tears rolling down her cheeks. I don't know exactly what he said, but he is a kind man, so I am sure he explained it kindly, which is why I asked him to be the one to explain it. She kept whispering something I couldn't quite hear, it sounded like several different phrases, all ending with "budjem." He said that she was saying that she wanted to go back. I thanked him for everything, and took her upstairs, trying to get there before she totally lost it.

Naturally, she started screaming as soon as I picked her up. The lobby was full of guests, who all stared at us. One of the bellboys ran up with some chocolate, and she threw it as far as she could. I got her up to the room, and she got really violent with me, more than she even has before. She kept screaming about going back, and I kept saying no. She pulled my hair, raked my cheeks with her nails, knocked my glasses off, bit my hands/arms, and kicked me in the stomach repeatedly. I managed to get her into a holding position, and after only about 15 minutes she stopped crying and asked for chocolate. I mimed that she had thrown it away, and she started up again. This time, she kept it up for over an hour. I decided to believe that she was more upset about the chocolate than about staying with me, and that this is a step forward. Of course, the last thing that she said to me before she fell asleep was that she wants to go back, so I may just be in denial.

From an academic perspective, all this is a good sign. She is clearly attached to someone at the sisuvihar, which should mean that she will be able to attach securely to me. However, it is really hard and exhausting to go through, not to mention heartbreaking to see her so upset. I understand that she has lost everyone and everything that she knows, and I do feel bad for her. But I also think that the way this has been handled has made it a lot harder than it needs to be. Someone should have made some effort to explain all this before I got here. The transition should be quicker and we should leave the country much earlier. I realize that some of this is dictated by outside forces, but this is crazy.

I'm typing this while waiting for the driver to come pick us up. It's Friday, and we will "probably" get the court order today. I am going to push for applying for the passport this afternoon, if possible, rather than waiting until Monday. (Ha!) The previous adoptive parent was able to pay a fee and get the passport the next day, so possibly I can leave for Delhi on Tuesday. Keep your fingers crossed!