I have Vindya!

And I am seriously angry. I'll get into that towards the bottom, but I am absolutely furious at everyone involved in this situation.

To begin with, I asked Ahmed, the driver, to come at 10 o'clock. I wanted to stop at the grocery store and get some treats for Vindya before our 11 o'clock meeting. He didn't show up until 10:50, with the excuse that no one would be at the office until then anyway, so what was the point?

We arrived at the adoption office, and you'll be surprised that I was asked to wait. After a while, they asked me to come into the office and write out an undertaking, requesting that I be allowed to take Vindya to my hotel and promising not to leave Hyderabad until I received her passport. I wrote this out, it was passed around and discussed, additions were made, I wrote it again, etc. Eventually, we ended up with a version that everyone liked, and I signed it. This version included the name, address and phone number of my hotel, so I'm pretty much stuck here.

After this, I was told that I needed to go and talk to the assistant director. I asked if this was Mrs. S, and was told no, she went to the US and won't be back for a while. (Apparently she has a daughter there.) This was her stand in. This lady didn't have a business card, but told me her name was Dr. S. She looked at the undertaking, and asked Mrs. N a lot of questions about how long I would have to stay in Hyderabad. Mrs. N explained to me and to Dr. S that they talked to the advocate, and there is no way to speed up the court process. There are not clerks, and no department can request to move ahead in the queue. Once the court order is issued, things will be in their control, and they can expedite the passport. But nothing can be done about expediting the court order. This was repeated to me several times, and I wonder if someone is reading Mrs. S's e=mail even if she is out of the country. (Probably not. I just fussed a lot about getting things expedited.)

After that, we went back to the office and waited some more. I asked if I could get a copy of the foster care license or a letter saying that I had permission to have Vindya with me, and was told no. I don't like that answer, frankly. I'm hoping to get something, because right now, if someone asks me anything, the best I can do is give them the advocate's mobile number and hope for the best.

After a bit, there was a loud wailing noise, and Vindya came in, sobbing uncontrollably. There as a caregiver with her, but not the usual one. She was wearing a new outfit, and had a brand new backpack on (which turned out to be filled with snacks and new clothes, and a toothbrush). She had tears running down her face and was unconsolable. Everyone in the office gathered around and tried to jolly her out of it, although no one touched her. After a while, they led her out to sit on the benches. She kept wailing, and gathered people from all over the building.

A woman walked up and started talking to me. She adopted two children from the sisuvihar, and does volunteer work, and she offered to do whatever would be helpful. "These people know nothing of child psychology, they do not prepare them well." She gave me her phone number and asked me to call her if I needed anything. She said that there is a network of adoptive mothers in Hyderabad who help each other, and they will do the same for me. She invited us to come over and play with her children, who could help explain what is going on. I got her number, and will definitely call.

Mrs. N said that we needed to go see Dr. S again, to have the official photos taken. Vindya walked with her caregiver. I walked next to her, and the caregiver tried to steer her closer to me, and she firmly steered away. She did not want to be near me. When we got to the office, Dr. S took her on her lap. She cried again, until she was tickled, which raised a smile. Dr. S talked to the rest of the staff (everyone from the adoption office followed us in), and finally gave her to me. We took the official photos (using my camera), and then went back to the adoption office. I tried to hold Vindya's hand on the way over, and she allowed that, as long as the caregiver was right behind her, where she could turn her head and see her.

When we got back to the office, Vindya started crying again, and again, a large crowd gathered around, talking to her, calling her name, and otherwise trying to distract her. Mrs. A2 called me into the office again, and told me that they had decided that I should take Vindya back to the sisuvihar for a while, and play with her there, and when she had calmed down, we could go. I thought this was a bad idea, as it would give her the impression that crying would get her taken back to the sisuvihar, but no one was interested in what I thought, so back to the sisuvihar we went.

We rode over in my car. Vindya was willing to do this only if the caregiver also rode, which she did. As we were getting ready to start, a security person I had never seen before came over and demanded a tip. I said no, since I had never seen him before. The driver talked to him, and told me that there were two guards who took turns, and this one was on duty today. I was annoyed, but I gave him 10 rupees. The driver told me that wasn't enough, I needed to give him 100 rupees. I did, even though I didn't want to. Once we got to the sisuvihar, Vindya ran inside, and made a beeline for the curtain. One of the ladies told me that it was lunchtime, and that Vindya should eat and it would help her to feel better. I asked if I could eat also, and was told no. (I doubt they objected to feeding me; they objected to having me go behind the curtain.) At that point it was not quite 1pm.

After a little while Vindya came back, and was perfectly happy. She ran over to the couch next to me, and opened the little pouch of toys. It was the jacks she wanted, and she had a wonderful time bouncing the ball. I showed her how to pick up one, and she kept trying. She still needs two hands to catch the ball, which makes it harder. Various caregivers came out and talked to her, but she pretty much ignored most of them. Her regular caregiver came out, and I got a picture of them together. Around 2, I decided that enough was enough and informed Mrs. N (who was in the office using the internet) that I was taking her.

She left cheerfully enough. I took a picture of her with the guard there (who was the one I had seem every time, including Sunday) and he also wanted a tip. I gave him 100 rupees as well. Vindya's regular caregiver followed us to the car and asked for a tip. I gave her 100 rupees as well. (That's about $2.50, for the record.) That was possibly illegal, but I figured if anyone deserved it, she did.

Vindya was fine until we pulled out of the compound, and then she got progressively more stressed. She started to cry, and then to cry out. "Nanaj bola! Nanaj bola!" The driver translated this as "I want to go home." We didn't go back, and she started screaming "Muntaj Mommy khavali! Muntaj Mommy khavali!" He translated this as "I want Muntaj Mommy," and said that the kids probably called each caregiver Whoever Mommy. (All of the spellings are wild gueses at phonetic spellings, by the way.)

When we got back to the hotel, she refused to get out of the car, screaming hysterically. The driver managed to catch her and carried her in for me. He brought her up to the room, and stayed for a while. (I would actually have preferred that he left. I told him he could go several times, and finally realized I hadn't paid him. I paid him, and he stuck around a little longer, until Vindya finally calmed down a little.

Vindya cried and cried and cried and cried. She screamed and screamed and screamed. She talked a little to the driver, who told me that "they did not counsel her, she does not know what is happening." It's now almost 8 o'clock. Vindya has spent the last hour huddled against the door with her shoes on and her backpack on her back. She's cried herself to exhaustion, barely able to keep her eyes open, but she still wants to go home.

I've held her, carried her, bounced her and walked her up and down. She isn't any happier. I keep reminding myself that the fact that she bonded to her caretaker means that she is likely to attach well to me. (I did get the driver to verify that the regular caretaker I kept seeing is Muntaj Mommy.) It just breaks my heart to watch her be so unhappy.

I am frustrated and furious because this is the reason I brought LiJun here. Everyone I talked to, every book I read, said that the presence of another child would make the transition that much smoother. Instead, I was denied permission to take Vindya for over a week, until LiJun was no longer here to help her through this transition. What really makes me angry is that there doesn't seem to have been any reason for this delay, except that no one had their act together, and no one could be bothered to do anything without being prodded repeatedly.

The more I think about this, the angrier I get, so I'm going to quit now. I'm going to see if I can get her into bed. Things might be a little better in the morning.