Monday - More Frustration

Yesterday (Monday) started out fairly slowly. We didn't have anything planned, so we stayed in the hotel room, played games, put in stickers, and otherwise did bonding time. The highpoint, from my perspective, was that I figured out how to lock the bathroom door. This isn't as trivial as it sounds, since the door is a large sliding door that is out of alignment with the track it's supposed to be on, but the judicious use of force allows it to lock. I was thrilled with this, as it meant I could be alone in there. Of course, any time the door is locked, Vindya stands outside it and cries, which probably sets our attachment back, but it's a price I'm willing to pay.

At around 2:30, I got a call from Mrs. N, telling me to come to the office. I couldn't understand on the phone exactly what the issue was (it's amazing how much non-verbals matter when the spoken language is tenuous), but I called for a car and we hustled over.

When I got there, it turned out that the advocate had called, and I needed to get three non-judicial stamp papers worth 50 rupees each (a total of 150 rupees). This was repeated several times. I asked how to get these, and was told to buy them. Where? After a lot of discussion, I insisted that they write it down, which they did. So I went back to the driver and we set off.

A brief diversion - I can't remember if I mentioned this before, but the way this is paid for is this. CARA (The Central Adoption Resource Authority) in Delhi sets a fee for all international adoptions in India. That fee is $3500. This is to cover all childcare expenses and court fees. I paid the fee to Children's Home. They, in turn, sent a cashier's check for that amount to DWDCW. DWDCW then sent it back, because in order to accept money from foreign organizations, they need to have a certain certificate. They have applied for this, but not received it, so CHSFS will send the check back to them when they are notified that it has been received. I am certain that the 150 rupees are included in what is covered by that fee. I could argue about it, but I am pretty sure that I would only lose time, as no one in the office seems to be clear about how this works, and 150 rupees is a little less than $4.

We were sent to what is called a "complex," a sort of mall for offices and businesses. This is not they upscale fancy place like we had been shopping in. It was dirty, dark, crowded and smelly. I found the appropriate store, and showed them the paper that listed what I needed. They filled out the forms for me (a momentary delay because my passport gives only my own name, not "wife of" or "daughter of." They decided to take my word for it that I am "daughter of Emmett" but clearly were concerned that my ID omits this important information.) I paid them, and we went back to the office.

Once back at the office, Mrs. N called the advocate, and there were long conversations. She relayed things to me, I asked questions, she talked to the advocate, etc., etc. It was finally clarified that the advocate will go to the family court in Hyderabad today (Tuesday) and that I will go with her to the family court in Secundurabad (where we were before) Wednesday at 10:30. There, I will turn over the stamp papers, and she will request the written order. I asked if I would get the written order on Wednesday. Oh, no, madam. It will be another week, maybe. I complained about that, and was told firmly that it usually takes two months to get a written order, sometimes more, so things have been expedited for me. Once they have the written order, they will apply for the passport. How long will that take? Oh, four or five days. I finally told her that, in other states, the parents don't have to come to India until after the written order is issued. She said that the court requires the adoptive parents, without them, no order will be given. I let it go (even though other states come up with the written order in about a week) as there is really nothing I can do except sit here and wait.

We left, and went back to the hotel. I was pleased to note that, both times we left the office (to go to the complex and to go to the hotel), Vindya looked back down the drive towards the sisuvihar, but didn't put up a fuss or cry or otherwise react. It seemed that she was getting used to the idea of not going back there. However, when we got to the hotel, she sat in the car, passively staring at the front seat and not getting out. I turned her legs to the door, and she pulled them back. I turned her again, and applied some pressure to her back, and she got out. She walked up the stairs and into the door, and was fine until we got to the elevator. There, she started crying, ran back to the front door, and when the doorman wouldn't let her out (I was right behind her, trying to grab her), she ran into a corner and had a meltdown. Staff and guests came running. The front desk girl produced a stash of candy, but this was rejected. She didn't explain what was wrong, just kept screaming. Finally, I just picked her up and carried her back to the room. She didn't fight me, just cried a lot. She indicated that she wanted to take a shower and go to bed, so I washed her off, put her into her pajamas, and tucked her in. She was still crying, but she fell asleep after a few minutes.

So, the legal process is still dragging on, and each step seems to come as a surprise to the advocate and the office. Staying in Hyderabad for so long is eating up both my family leave time, and my savings that were intended to support the three of us during the unpaid leave. Deb had asked the office about finding a flat for such an extended stay, but they never responded to the question. (Of course, this was before we discovered that Mrs. S was on extended leave - back in August, they say - so it is possible that no one saw the email.) This just drives me crazy, but there really is nothing that I can do about it. I keep reminding myself that, at the end, I'll come home with a very sweet girl, and practicing my deep breathing meditation.

Vindya seems to be adjusting. She is still hurting, but is getting better, and does turn to me for comfort. She does have a sweet personality. She is unsteady on her feet, and in some ways seems unused to walking around. She has a hard time drinking from a cup. She knows how to do it, but frequently spills all over herself. She can feed herself, very messily. She seems to have pretty basic fine motor skills, and doesn't seem to have used them very much. She has a hard time putting small objects into things, for example, buttons into a box. On the other hand, she seems bright enough. Deb suggested that a lot of kids are simply never challenged, and she may not be used to learning or doing anything for herself, and will catch up with time and attention. I hope this is correct, and I really want to take her to the International Adoption clinic and verify all of this, but that has to wait until I can finally get out of here.