Yesterday did NOT go well

How not well? Not well enough that I, an congenitally optimistic extrovert (one of many reasons I don't really belong in The Crabby Family) ended the day ready to curl up in the fetal position in my darkened hotel room for the foreseeable future. This morning, I'm refreshed, and ready to argue.

To begin with, I started the day saying goodbye to Meri and LiJun. They left for Delhi (which is just a way station on the Road to the Taj Majal for my dear sister) early in the morning. LiJun was excited, since shopping with Meri is much more fun than shopping with me. (I heard by the end of the day that they arrived, Mr. Singh took them on a wonderful tour/shopping expedition and that they love Ajay and Eleven. No precise details available.) Since this left me alone, I was sad, but figured to move forward. Ha!

About 11, I left the hotel to go visit Vindya. I asked the driver to stop at a toy store. He took me to a large building across the street from the Hard Rock Cafe/mall complex, which turns out to be an even bigger mall called "City Center." They had an underground parking ramp, where uniformed attendants walked the car to the appropriate stall and guided it in. Sure enough, they had a toy store, and I bought Duplos (extra large Leggos for smaller kids) a coloring book, and a sticker book - Disney Princesses, for that culturally connected vibe. The entire time I was in the store, two sales clerks were glued to my side. If I reached for a book, one of them would grab it before I could, open it so I could see the pages, and ask, "Yes, madam?" while the other grabbed similar items for my perusal. Defnitely lots of customer service, although a bit creepy.

I looked around a bit, then we headed off to the sisuvihar. Once we arrived, I was informed that Vindya was in school. They offered to get her out of school for me, but I said no, as I didn't want to disrupt her schedule too much. They told me she would be back from school at 3:30, and I said that I would come back then. I decided to drop in on the Adoption Unit, to remind them that I'm here and see what they've done.

So, at the Adoption Unit, there are several people that I've interacted with. The Assistant Director, Mrs. S; her assistant, Mrs. A; Mrs. A2; and another employee whose name I don't know, so let's call her Mrs. X. I haven't actually met Mrs. S, Mrs. A was nice but I've met her once, Mrs. A2 I've dealt with most frequently, and she seems between disinterested and hostile, and Mrs. X has been consistently cheerful and helpful, and always defers to Mrs. A2.

At the Adoption Unit, there were people waiting in the hall, and I was informed that the entire staff was in a meeting. I could wait half an hour, or come back later. I decided to wait, and pulled out my trusty e-reader. After considerably more than half an hour, the staff reappeared. Mrs. A2 ignored me, but Mrs. X stopped to chat. She informed me that the staff had been meeting the new director, as it was her first day on the job. They had prepared the file for her to sign (giving me custody of Vidya while we wait for the court order), but haven't yet had the opportunity to give it to her. She asked how long I was going to be in Hyderabad before I left for Agra. When we had mutually established that I would stay until the court order and the passport, without leaving, she lit up. "Oh, madam, I am very glad to be hearing that! It is much easier for me!" Then she asked me to come into the office.

I went into the office (she having stopped to chat with someone else) and Mrs. A2 told me to go wait in the hallway. I met Mrs. X in the doorway, and she repeated that I should come into the office. She and Mrs. A2 had an exchange in Telugu, and Mrs. A2 said that I should sit down in the office and wait. So, I waited. After a while, Mrs. X came back and told me that it would be a long time, at least a month, before the court order because "there are no clerks at the court, madam." She suggested that I visit the child. I explained that Vindya was in school, and would get out at 3:30. Mrs. A2 said that they would call the sisuvihar and arrange for me to visit at 3:30. I decided not to mention that I had already been there. Then they chatted a bit more, and Mrs. A2 told me to come back tomorrow (Saturday/today) and talk to the new director and "explain yourself in person." I asked what time, and she said that they would call me. I reiterated that they had my mobile number, and she said that if they had not called by 11, I should call them. I verified that I had their office number, and left, not very happy.

I spent the next couple hours having lunch and doing money related errands. (I have a whole post about money, but it makes me look stupid and I need to wait until the raw edges recede a bit before I can write it all out.) I came back to the sisuvihar around 3, and went in to wait.

The school is across the street, still in the same compound, and the kids started coming in. Several of them recognized me, and ran back to talk to Vindya and then ran in to stand staring at me. They all wore uniforms (white blouses and navy jumpers) and carried their shoes. Vindya came in as part of the stream, and kept going. I called to her, she looked over at me, and darted away. One of the caregivers called her name and pointed, and she came over and sat next to me, very stiff and not looking directly at me. Her jumper was filthy and too small, it was only zipped partway up the back and still didn't fit. I tried to engage her, but she wouldn't look at me, and was visibly stiff and uncomfortable. Finally, one of the caretakers called her, and she literally ran back behind the curtain. (Note to self: she runs with a distinct, rollicking gait - see a doctor about whether this is a concern.)

After a few minutes, she came back, clean and dressed in a pretty outfit. She was escorted by the same caregiver who had brought her to court, and who now stood at the end of the couch, watching us. I pulled out the sticker book and showed it to her, and started giving her stickers to put on the page. This did not go well. She put them down randomly, like LiJun did when she was 2 or 3. There could be lots of reasons for this - lack of familiarity with sticker books, lack of familiarity with making pictures of any kind, not realizing that the oddly shaped objects were supposed to be part of a picture, etc. But definitely adding to the difficulty was the caregiver. Vindya rarely looked at me, constantly looking past me to her. She would glance at me when I touched her, but then quickly look back. She smiled at the caregiver a few times, but did not smile at me, even when I tried tickling her.

The one exception to this was when a police officer brought a baby into the sisuvihar. The child was crying, and really looked in bad shape - glassy eyed and weakly flopped across his arms. He handed her to Vindya's caregiver, and after a bit of chat with other women there, she carried her into the back. At that point Vindya jumped up from her seat and tried to follow her. I held her arm, and she stayed without fighting, but she never looked away from the curtain until the caretaker came back.

After we finished the book, she very carefully gathered up all the pictures and seemed pleased to have them. I asked the lady who spoke the best English to please explain to her that her sister had already gone home, and would wait for her there. "No need to tell her. She is not arrogant. She will do as she is told."

I left absolutely furious. That poor child is clearly upset, and getting more so. This drawn-out process is making things much, much harder on her than they need to be. She needs to come with me, and get used to me as someone who takes care of her and meets her needs. What message is it sending to her when her caregivers take her away from me every time? There is no reason for this, at all.

Deb was kind enough to call me last night on my mobile, and talked me down from the worst of it. She agrees that this is crazy. There are clearly two problems - me getting physical custody of Vindya, and me getting the court order/passport. Both of them are ridiculously drawn out. DWDCW specifically said, more than once, that I had to be here by Monday, and it is now Friday/Saturday, and they still haven't processed any paperwork. In addition, they need to request an expedited court order. Whether the advocate is working for me or for them, it doesn't serve anyone's interest to have this go on like this. (Unless someone is looking for a bribe. But that's a whole different set of problems.) Deb has contacted DWDCW directly on my behalf, and gave me pointers for the conversation with the director this morning.

Wish us luck, and do whatever communing with the universe you do that we have a good outcome.