Yesterday - Wednesday, with Vindya updates

You probably remember that the adoption office instructed me to go to family court Wednesday morning with the non-judicial stamped papers. Tuesday, to prepare for this, I took Vindya out and got her some fancy clothes. We got a pretty dress, some nice sandals, and hair clips. The best thing was that she got about a dozen bangles. She went nuts at the bangle stand, trying to grab everything. Her hands are so small that there was only one set that fit her. They are gold and sparkly, and she hasn't taken them off, not even to sleep. She loves to count them out and then shake her hands so that they jangle. This makes her giggle.

(BTW - According to the chart on the wall at the children's clothing store, Vindya is a hair under 110 cm tall. I'm not sure what that is in inches.)

When we got to the family court, we sat and waited. After the first several cases were called, the advocate left the coatroom, and we followed. I gave her the papers, and then it turned out that we weren't actually supposed to do anything, this was just a convenient hand over point. Mrs. A2 was there as well, and I asked when we could get the court order. Again, no telling. I explained, again, about the hotel, and the advocate said that if I waited for some time, she would see what she could find out.

So, we waited. After quite a while, the advocate and Mrs. A2 said that we should come, and we all went to the clerk's chambers. They talked to a lot of people and kept pointing at us. Vindya was sleeping and I was carrying her, so I didn't participate much, but the clerks kept shaking their heads, and then Mrs. A2 and the advocate would talk to different clerks. Finally, they came back to me and said that I would _probably_ get the court order on Friday. I was pleased with this, as you can imagine. They both assured me that they had constantly visited the clerks and pressed for this to happen quickly, as the usual time is two months. (From this, I gathered that the director had gotten my fax. (Did I mention that? The Indian adoptive mother I met had suggested that I send a letter to the director, thanking everyone for their help and asking that the process by expedited. I checked with Deb (because I know better than to randomly do things without running them by Deb) who thought it was a good idea, and sent the fax on Friday.)

I asked what is next, and they said applying for a passport. Can this be expedited? They will try. "India is not centralized. This is a different ministry," the advocate told me. I have heard that it is possible to pay an extra fee and get the passport in 24 hours. I also get the Times of India in my room every morning, and there is a whole column where people write in and say the date they submitted their passport application and complain that nothing more has been heard of it. So I'm prepared for this to turn into another nightmare of waiting.

AFter we left the court, we went to Ohri's to have lunch and celebrate. We had a nice lunch, and then ice cream. I ordered a Nutty Buddy for Vindya, expecting a Nutty Buddy. Instead, she got a softball sized scoop of vanilla ice cream, which was rolled in cashews and chocolate. It was way more then she could eat, but she did her best!

Then, we came back to our hotel and changed into casual clothes, and set out to try to find Rufus's office. This took some doing. We found the college, and them wandered around talking to students until we were finally brought to a conference room. There, we met the students who had been with Rufus at the sisuvihar, who remembered us. They said he was not in today, but asked us to wait a few minutes and meet another professor.

This turned out to be a woman named Sarah, who was the one who had the idea of making the film about the sisuvihar. She worked at a Christian creche about 25 years ago. She told me about some children, a boy about 5 and a girl about 1 1/2, who had appeared on the road near her home one day. No one know where they came from or where their parents were. The boy cared for the girl, and did little jobs like sweeping in return for food. Finally, she and her sister took them to the creche. They were adopted by a family from West Germany. The boy is now a pilot and the girl is a doctor. This story moved her to try to help children in the orphanages. They are making the film to show to the poor people, to encourage them to value their girls and not give them away.

She talked about the change in the social structure, from extended family to nuclear family, and how this put more pressure on families who had no support. The move from farms to the city was also stressful. This has led many families to give away their girls. She gave me her contact information, and invited us to her house this weekend.

The students wanted to show us the rough cut of their video. They are taking a certificate course. If they have no computer skills, it is a 45 day course. If they have some skills already, it is one month. The certificate will allow them to get jobs doing photo and video editing. (It seemed to be mostly Photoshop, from what they were saying. As one who doesn't know this stuff at all, I was impressed.) We watched about two minutes of the footage. It was mostly establishing stuff, but it went behind the curtain (!) and showed the kids eating, playing and sleeping. When they showed a scene with Vindya playing ball, she began to wail. This stopped the movie. I carried her out and tried to calm her. The professor started showing her birds, and the students ran off and came back with candy and cookies. All in all, she cried less than five minutes, which is good.

We went back in the room, and the professor played with Vindya a bit "to distract her." She showed her how to draw birds. After a few minutes, I asked her how old she thought Vindya was. "4 or 5" When I told her that Vindya is 7, she said it is the poor nutrition and lack of attention, and that she will catch up.

We left, after I gave her Deb's contact information, mostly because I think we ought to try to get our hands on that video! As we were leaving, Vindya looked up at me and said something that sounded like "Askelly." I asked what it meant, and they said that she was probably talking about that place, since she just saw it.

We went back to the hotel, and she keep repeating "askelly." When she saw the hotel, she started to cry again. I carried her in and told everyone that she was tired. She cried for about an hour. She tried pinching and biting me, but I used the "Holding Time" technique to keep her still. (I'm aware that not everyone likes "Holding Time" and if any social worker types have a better idea, I'm open to suggestions.)

I decided that we will stay in today, spending time together and helping her to realize that I'm not going away. I got a bunch of workbooks, and we do a few pages in them. She can trace letters and numbers, but not copy them. She tends to reverse things, and doesn't have the idea of staying on the lines. For example, the number 1, which is written with the little upstroke at the top, comes out as an upside down u, and the number 4 is often turned sideways. She also has a problem with the capital A, because the lines don't meet at the top. I've opted not to correct her. I hold her hand a do most of them with her, and then she does the last bit as well as she can.

She has a fairly short attention span for this, or for any task that she doesn't do well. She does not like the leggos and won't play with them. She will color pictures, but prefers the simpler ones, and doesn't stay inside the lines well. I got some sticker books where the stickers are clearly marked and she does this fairly well, although not very precisely. (The ones where she is supposed to make a free-form picture with the stickers, she just randomly sticks them down.)

She is not very steady on her feet, and doesn't do well on stairs. She tends to rock to self-soothe. When I see her doing it, I pick her up and rock her myself, which she seems to like. Even when she is raging, she wants me to hold her, which I think is probably good. When she is upset, she bangs her head on the wall or floor, which I won't let her do.

She can feed herself, but very messily. She can drink from a glass, but often spills. She moves her tongue around her mouth and sticks it out a lot, even when eating and drinking. I asked if this is a cultural thing, and was told that all children do this, but the ones who have parents, the parents will watch and put a stop to it. I've been drawing her attention to what she is doing with her tongue, and she will stop it when I do that. She seems to think this is a game of some sort, but I think it's a step forward.

She can count, and copies everything I do. When she's happy, she's very happy. She is eating more than at first (when she was barely nibbling at her meals), but I think that a lot of times that she claims to be hungry she really wants to go down and visit the wait staff, who spoil her. I have set clear times for meals, and she can't eat except at those times. (I do have snacks in the room that she can have at any time, but we don't go to the dining room outside of the designated meal times.)

I'm ready to come home any time!